Void III

To say that it is a very lonely road ahead would be an understatement. Coming undone bit by bit is not something that I'm really good at. I still don't know whether it's because of you not being there or because you're happy somewhere else. Speed is the only solace left. The only time where the void is not filled but momentarily forgotten. In a corner where everything goes wrong, it's just a heavy realization of your absence. 

I could never get that alone in a crowd reference. I still don't zone out to a happy meadow with you in tow, but yes, it is an overwhelming sense of loss that seems a tad too heavy to handle. 

I'm still carrying a hope that one day you will just be a blemish on the horizon, where your absence shall be purged of all emotion. 

There are those times where I'm still holding on to that wheel after I've parked, but I seriously do not know if it's just the adrenaline or the thought of having cut you out for a longer period of time than the previous night.

Hell, I swear I was way more in control than this. The only consolation that there is, lies in the fact that you made your decision, and I hope it bodes well for you, but regrettably, it dents my being, makes every act superfluous and brings out the worthlessness in the rest of the world.

There is no suffering, at least on the face of it, no worldly maladies, but there's nothing left, nothing to look out for. It's been seven years since you've been there, and two without you. Still stuck, by choice, somewhere in the middle. 

Hopefully, salvation lies somewhere beyond that sunset. And in all probability, the material shall become immaterial one day and get me there. That, shall be the juncture where I'll finally find you, or be rid of you, or both.Till then, love, happy infiltrating.